I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
