Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
