i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
