Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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