coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
