you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
