party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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