Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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