New low: just hacked my moms facebook
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
