my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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