We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
