He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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