I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
