I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
