she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
