I want to walk on stilts...naked
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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