Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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