Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
