He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
