in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
