I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my being single is dangerous.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
