Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
