so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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