sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
