I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Randomize
