Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
