Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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