my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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