I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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