Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
