I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
