Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
