I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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