I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
