just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
