Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
