it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
