turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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