a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
did i walk over a car last night?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
