our cab driver is having phone sex.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
