you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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