Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I believe in your delicious
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