My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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