i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
