He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
