Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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