Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
