grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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