You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
