Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
