So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
