you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
