people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
