I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
